A Letter To A Politician

Dear Politician,

I have a few questions to you and your breed. (Oops. Did I use the word breed? Isn't that meant for animals? Yes, it is meant for animals and their likes. I hope you have the intelligence to put 2 and 2 together.)

Question 1

Why do you sleep for 4 long years before the elections, and only wake up just when the elections are due?

Are you inspired by the snail which can sleep for 3-4 years at a time. I think you are motivated by them. And you have many qualities similar to snails. 

You are slow and sluggish, and make very dull progress in whatever you do. Maybe this is how you have learned to be horribly slack. 

Guys, why do you drive in a Ferrari, or a Aston Martin? You aren't supposed to be fast. You should be driving bullock cart!!

Useless Promises Are Abound

Question 2

Why do you beg for votes before every election? 

At one end you act like a beggar. At the other end, you spend on money, wine, and food for the electorate, so that they can vote for you. What kind of beggar are you? 

Yes, you are a rich beggar. Yes, you are a moral pauper.

Cheating Victors

Question 3

Why do you disappear after the elections?

Do you take classes from Houdini to make the disappearing act? Houdini was a hero, you are a zero.

Two Faced Politicians

Question 4

Why do you loot public money?

Are you a blood sucking vampire, with money being your blood? Don't you devour looting funds meant for the people? 

Yes, you are vampires. After all, you are so cold blooded, without a hint of warmth. Like the story in the Twilight series, I think we should set some hounds after you. 

Question 5

Why are you inconsistent in your behavior?

At one end, you stop schools and public transport for a whole month. At the other end, you grand child goes to his school, which is conveniently left undisturbed.

You heavily criticize the usage of English language in public places. Yet you send your children to English medium schools. And take personal vacations in England and the USA.

Zero Grey Matter Is Common

Question 6

Why do you fall ill when you are sent to jail?

Don't you take good care of yourself with all the ill earned money? Of Yes, I understand it now. You are misers and do not want to spend your money on yourself too. 

You "fall ill" after being sent to jail, so that you can further leech the public funds by getting admitted into a Government Hospital. And get a stay for free, with complete royal treatment.

Your good friend from Karnataka, B.S.Y., couldn't stay in jail for more than 9 hours. Is he giving you a live demonstration of this idea, so that you too can try it if the need arises?

Hoarding and Hiding Money

Questions, like these, are many. However, we all know that you don't have the ability to grasp many things at a time. The only thing you can do best is hoard money and resources. 

Let me stop here itself, otherwise your tiny grey matter will get overloaded.

If you have answers - sane and logical - to any of the above questions, please write back. If not, please retire from politics.

Thanks.

Vyankatesh